I used to believe that there was no such thing as bad Star Wars. I grew up with the prequels which have some of the most headscratching plots, dialogue, and visuals ever put to screen, but I still love them. Chalk it up to nostalgia, maybe, but if Star Wars could survive weird age-gap romances, endless talk of trade routes and senate votes, and the gungan, the myth, the legend that is Jar Jar Binks, what couldn’t Star Wars survive?

I wasn’t worried when Disney bought Star Wars, because— it’s hard to remember now, but— they had already done a really good job (up to that point) of handling the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I was confident Star Wars would be handled with care, love, and talent… and it was! The Force Awakens was a propulsive return-to-basics for the franchise that set up a bunch of promising new characters. Rogue One was a bold spinoff with a great hook— who stole the plans for the Death Star and how?— and a refreshingly closed ending. Then The Last Jedi shook up the whole franchise (complimentary) by subverting the lore, testing the characters, and clearing the slate for what should have been an easy slam dunk finale.

But The Last Jedi broke people’s brains. I don’t think it’s a perfect movie by any means, but I do like it a lot. Many loud people (mostly angry, straight, white guys, but that’s neither here nor there) were very upset by it trying to do new things, and the vocal backlash scared the shit out of Disney. It was very quickly followed by Solo, a bland attempt to Marvel-ize Star Wars by setting up sequels and tossing in Darth Maul cameos, and then The Rise of Skywalker, an utter failure that dismisses every enticing development from TLJ and instead introduces a new groanworthy plot twist every five minutes.

It’s been seven years since Disney put a new Star War in theaters. In the interim, Star Wars became television. In a mad dash to make Disney+ a key asset to the Disney Corporation and build shareholder value, seven live-action Star Wars TV shows were churned out in six years. They range from abysmal (Obi-Wan Kenobi) to shockingly brilliant (Andor). A few of them I never bothered with, because what’s the point?

The first live-action Star Wars show was, of course, The Mandalorian. Premiering on Disney+’s launch day in 2019 and created by Iron Man director Jon Favreau, The Mandalorian actually had a pretty smart and cool premise for a series. What if Boba Fett (but not Boba Fett) was a lone gunslinger, wandering from town to town taking on dangerous jobs and resolving conflicts… and what if he had a baby Yoda in tow? Just as George Lucas drew on westerns and samurai films for the original trilogy, Favreau took inspiration from old western TV shows and the Lone Wolf and Cub films. It had a strong episodic structure, and Baby Yoda (eventually named as Grogu) was really fuckin’ cute.

The Mandalorian had a strong first season and a decent second season before Favreau brought on Dave Filoni, showrunner for several animated Star Wars shows, and things got bogged down in lore real quick. Dangling plot threads were resolved in an entirely different show, The Book of Boba Fett (because, oh, by the way, they brought back the real Boba Fett), and Season 3 of The Mandalorian decided to abandon the lead character’s arc of losing his Mandalorian religion and instead doubled the fuck down on Mandalorian doctrine and dogma. A bunch of characters from Filoni’s cartoons made appearances and then spinoffs (Ahsoka, which you could not pay me to give a shit about), and the whole enterprise became a mess of streaming slop only the most diehard Star Wars fans could keep up with.

Which brings us to The Mandalorian and Grogu. As the show was hemorrhaging viewers and Disney realized that streaming services are not reliable cash cows, plans for a Season 4 and a movie that would’ve brought Mando, Boba Fett, and Ahsoka together in an Avengers-style culmination were scrapped. Instead Disney commissioned Favreau and Filoni to make a theatrical film that would return Star Wars to big screen-box office glory, return Din Djarin (oh yeah, that’s the titular Mandalorian’s name) and Grogu to basics, and not do anything to ruffle any feathers the way Last Jedi and Rise of Skywalker had.

Did they succeed? Well… they certainly made a movie. And it doesn’t do anything to upset the fanbase. BECAUSE IT DOESN’T DO ANYTHING INTERESTING OR UNIQUE WHATSOEVER.

The Mandalorian and Grogu abandons all storylines from the TV show (a good idea in theory) and picks up with Din Djarin (voiced by Pedro Pascal but performed by other actors most of the time) and Grogu as contractors working for the New Republic (this takes place post-Return of the Jedi) bounty hunting Imperial loyalists. Their latest mission is to collect intel on a mysterious warlord from an unnamed pair of Hutt twins— Jabba the Hutt’s brother and sister, apparently— who first demand that Din and Grogu rescue their nephew, Jabba’s son, Rotta the Hutt (voiced by.. sigh… Jeremy Allen White) from indentured servitude in a gladiatorial ring. As you might expect, the mission is not as simple as it seems, etc., etc.

Except that the movie itself is simple. Bafflingly simple. Call me naive, but I thought surely there must have been a greater reason to make a Mandalorian movie than to sell tickets and toys. I kept waiting for the greater hook. For a twist that would reveal the movie’s true intentions. Anything that would deepen Star Wars lore or expand its universe. Something that would have ramifications for the larger franchise.

Nope. Nothing. Zilch.

Well, maybe the movie has humbler aspirations. Maybe it’s an opportunity to learn more about Din Djarin and Grogu as characters, to test their relationship, give them arcs and strengthen our connection to them.

Haha! Wrong!

You see, The Mandalorian and Grogu has no aspirations. It has not one wisp of ambition. Or creativity. No sense of wonder or discovery. Certainly no urgency. There are no stakes. No tension.

At a certain point, it almost becomes impressive how absolutely empty and pointless the film is. Disney mandated a movie that doesn’t upset anyone, and in the end, they got a movie that is for no one.

“They made it for kids. It’s a kids movie.” That is no excuse! Every Star Wars movie is for kids!

“They made it for the fans.” I am a fan! I don’t want this flavorless slop! I don’t want a rehash and remix of things that are familiar to me. I want to be surprised and delighted! You know, the way Star Wars used to feel???

“Well, at least it’s not as bad as Rise of Skywalker, right?” It’s a different kind of bad, but you know what? I do prefer Rise of Skywalker’s badness, actually. They made some (horrible) decisions! They tried some (awful) things! They took some swings (and missed)! Mandalorian and Grogu can’t be bothered to try shit.

Previous bad Star Wars movies (even the prequels) also filmed on some real locations. They put effort into the cinematography and visual effects. Mandalorian and Grogu was, as Favreau proudly announced, the first Star Wars filmed entirely in Los Angeles. And you can tell! At no point do the actors look like they’re in real places. No effort is put into enhancing the visual pallette of the show.

If the bigger budget went anywhere, it was to incorporate fully CGI characters like Rotta and Zeb Orrelios (voiced by Steve Blum), both holdovers from Filoni cartoons making their live-action debuts. Unlike other Hutts, Rotta is jacked and fully mobile from years fighting in the gladiatorial arena. Some people out there might find the idea of a fit, muscular Hutt appealing. I think it’s fucking bullshit. Same goes for Rotta’s voice. I’ve got nothing against Jeremy Allen White, but I don’t think a Hutt should be speaking perfect English in a normal guy’s voice, saying shit like, “I’m not my father. I’m my own man.” Blech!

I’m pretty sure Zeb is supposed to be a fan favorite, but as someone who never watched the cartoons, I didn’t like looking at his stupid face or hearing his stupid fake British voice. I also didn’t like seeing Dave Filoni’s stupid face and stupid cowboy hat in not one but two cameos. Say what you will about Kathleen Kennedy, but she never stuck herself in any of her movies. I’ve been hearing for almost two decades now how good Filoni’s cartoons are and how I’d like them if I gave them a chance, but if this is the kind of movie Filoni (now head of Lucasfilm after Kennedy stepped down earlier this year) wants to make, I want no part of his work.

Also in the mix for some reason is Sigourney Weaver, playing the New Republic colonel doling out Mando’s assignments. I’m a huge fan of Weaver, and she’s recently been putting in career-best work in another big-budget Disney-owned sci-fi adventure franchise, the Avatar films. Here she sounds bored and dispirited having to speak names like “Rotta the Hutt” with a straight face.

There are two— count ‘em, two— bright spots amidst the dreck here. First, composer Ludwig Göransson’s score. I’ve been following Göransson’s work since he was doing the music for Community, and now he’s a three-time Oscar winner. This movie was probably just a paycheck for him, but it incorporates synths and techno beats in a way no other Star Wars score has.

Second, Martin Scorsese voices a six-limbed, monkey-like, food-truck owner that the Mandalorian visits for information early on in the film. It was probably just a favor for Favreau (who voiced a member of the same species in Solo) after they worked together on The Wolf of Wall Street, but Scorsese imbues his character with an energy and personality that is utterly lacking from the rest of the picture.

Otherwise, The Mandalorian and Grogu is a completely snooze-fest that has absolutely no bearing on Star Wars canon, not even The Mandalorian TV show. Din Djarin and Grogu begin and end the exact same characters, having learned nothing. The Galaxy remains in the exact same state, with good guys and bad guys fighting each other for increasingly vague reasons as new Disney leadership insists on remaining uncontroversially apolitical and maintaining the status quo. Favreau and Filoni seem all too happy to help them in that goal, but I for one could not be less interested.

In the opposite direction of Disney’s Star Wars, director Boots Riley is giddily controversial, political, and actively working to upset the status quo. A self-identified communist, Riley’s new film, I Love Boosters, is a maniacally fun takedown of retail work, the fashion industry, and even capitalism itself.

Set in a heightened version of the Bay Area, I Love Boosters centers on Corvette (Keke Palmer), Sade (Naomi Ackie), and Mariah (Taylour Paige), three friends known to the media as the Velvet Gang— they shoplift expensive designer clothes and sell them to the community at major discounts, otherwise known as “boosting.” They currently have their sights set on boosting an exclusive line of $100,000 suits from top fashion designer Christie Smith (Demi Moore), even as Christie is actively trying to bring the Velvet Gang down.

Joining the Velvet Gang’s heist is Jianhu (Poppy Liu), one of Christie’s Chinese factory workers who stole a company prototype for a teleportation device and aims to use it to force the company to provide better working conditions. There’s also Violeta (Eiza González), an employee from one of Christie’s clothing stores who wants the Velvet Gang’s help in forming a union. She discovers two more settings on the teleportation device that work off the principles of Marx’s theory of dialectical materialism. And then there’s Pinky Ring Guy (LaKeith Stanfield), a sexy, mysterious figure rumored to suck souls from people’s genitals during oral sex, who has his sights set on Corvette.

Obviously, there’s a lot going on in I Love Boosters. Like in his previous film, Sorry to Bother You, it feels like Boots Riley is stuffing every idea he’s ever had into the screenplay, as if he’ll never get another shot at making a movie and needs to lay it all on the table. Given the media’s open contempt for leftists, Riley’s probably right to take this approach. I sure hope he gets to keep making movies though, because I find Riley’s brand of maximalist satire absolutely delightful.

Visually, and clearly budgetarily, I Love Boosters is a big step up for Riley. From the bold monochromatic color pallette, to the hilarious cartoon physics/logic, and a wonderfully bizarre climax involving stop-motion animated characters, Riley and his crew pull off a truly original and inventive world. There’s not much to compare it to, but it’s sort of like a black, communist Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.

Riley wisely casts actors that know how to play his broad material straight. Keke Palmer is one of the finest (in every sense of the word) leading ladies working today, and she brings a delicate gravitas to anchor the film and elevate the comedy. Her fellow Velvet Gang members hold their own, Taylour Paige in particular scoring big laughs as the more simple-minded of the group. Demi Moore probably had the most fun on set, chewing all the colorful scenery as her deliciously evil fashion baron.

The clever visuals, the hilarious comedy, the great performances, they’re all in service of Riley’s broader political motives, which could feel cloying, preachy, or a little Communism 101. He’s been accused of promoting shoplifting, which first of all… what’s a little shoplifting from giant corporations? Secondly, the film is actually out to show that individualism, no matter how rebellious, is no match for collective action. It’ll take solidarity and general strikes to bring down capitalism, not petty theft.

It may be preachy, but it’s the type of messaging we generally don’t get from Hollywood films. Whether you realize it or not, we are inundated with capitalist propaganda; movies and shows that glamorize wealth, rugged individualism, and villainize the poor (see: the MCU).

But don’t go see I Love Boosters because it has good politics. Go see I Love Boosters because there’s nothing else like it. If you want more original movies, you have to go see them while you have the chance.

No cartoons or other thoughts this week. I’ve been too busy moving!

Look out for a reviews of Backrooms and The Breadwinner next week!